What to Expect from Couples Counselling

Though sometimes taken for granted, our intimate adult relationships, whether platonic or romantic, are arguably the most precious and protective (from a mental health perspective) components of our lives. Just as individuals have the capacity for ongoing growth and development, so do our relationships and our capacity for giving and receiving love. Relationships thrive when there is a sense of partnership between the two people involved, striving towards a shared vision of the life they want to achieve, including shared values, and short-term and long-term goals. However, to be human is to be flawed to varying degrees, so even if we hold an ideal for our relationships, the reality can often be quite different. Each person in the relationship brings their developmental history, including personal strengths and weaknesses into the relationship. Therefore, it is not surprising that relationships can at times flounder and couples can get caught up in a downward spiral of disappointments, misunderstandings, and general disillusionment.

A lot of people are scared that if they attend couples therapy, it means their relationship or marriage is in trouble, but that is not necessarily true. On the contrary, when a couple decides to come for counselling, there is usually an implicit acknowledgement that they value their relationship enough to want to invest time and energy in it which, though possibly painful, will be gainful. Indeed, some psychologists believe there are major benefits to engaging in couples therapy as a preventative practice, rather than only for addressing major problems that may have escalated over a long time. For example, learning skills such as communication and conflict resolution creates a platform of resilience within a relationship, so that it can better withstand stressful circumstances that arise. In other words, couples counselling isn’t just about healing wounds—it’s also about nurturing your functioning relationship as it grows, to prevent issues from arising in the future.

What to Expect in Couples Counseling

The first session of couples therapy, like the first session of individual therapy, will likely be dedicated to getting to know the two of you and your relationship—everything from your background to the story of how you met—so it will seem like more of an interview format. Ground rules will be agreed upon, such as listening while the other is speaking, no name-calling, etc., and initial goals may be identified - these goals may be for one or both individuals (e.g., anger management), and/or for the relationship in general (e.g., improve communication). It would not be unusual for a couple to leave the first session with a homework assignment.

Common Couples Therapy Exercises

While the specific exercises assigned in couples counselling will vary according to the goals that have been agreed upon, there are several commonly employed couples therapy exercises assigned to promote honest and transparent communication, deep listening and empathy, and positive intentions and actions between couples. These exercises are designed to develop general life skills as well as relationship skills. Examples might include setting aside a block of time each week to take turns to talk and listen to each other; intimate activities (for example, 10 minutes of direct eye contact or hand holding) and learning a new language during everyday conversation or differences (for example, addressing a singular, troublesome issue or behaviour with your partner, instead of attacking their personality in general).

Other common exercises are designed to re-ignite appreciation and respect for each other – for example, couples may be asked to create a list of fun, new activities to try together to reintroduce a sense of shared enjoyment and fun. Or they may each be asked to create an appreciation list, that is about three things each admires and appreciates about the other – as well as re-kindling positive feelings, each person may also experience a boost in confidence hearing what they have to say about you.

Long-term Benefits of Couples Counselling

The goals of therapy vary for each couple. The most common outcome across all couples therapy is enhanced communication and problem-solving skills, and when counselling is finished, the couple must commit to establishing ongoing rituals that incorporate these skills into their daily lives.

It is very often the case that the issue that brings the couple into counselling may not be the issue they need to address. For example, it may be difficult for a couple to talk about their sexual relationship in the first session and this may only come to the fore when trust and rapport have been well established with the psychologist.

As each individual of the couple develops more clarity around their psychology, it is not uncommon for one or both parties to embark on their therapy, to focus on overcoming deeply rooted personal factors that are hindering the relationship.

For more information about couples counselling, please click here.

You can also contact Centric Mental Health today by emailing [email protected] or calling 01 611 1719.